Abandonment or take it like a man

On June 29, 2007 I left my wife Mary of 10 years because of abuse. Today I am on the road to recovery. Most men would of not done what I did because our society thinks men should take it and stand up to abuse and be a man and deal with it. In that case I am less than a man. When you talk to these types of men. We treat women in an abusive situation and tell them to leave but we have a one way standard with men. Women leave but men should stay.

Most people have no idea and don’t care what happens to a man just a woman because of the delicate nature of women. I can tell you today that there are women out there that are more dangerous then some men but we close our eyes to abuse when we hear about women abusing men.

The normal assumption is that the man causes a woman to be abusive. That’s not the case. Because someone gets angry with him or her or upset that does not mean hitting him or her at any point. Abuse in all forms is wrong and no matter if you are married to the person on not it is abuse. We also don’t like to admit that we are abusive because to admit it would be admitting that we are able to hurt someone, so we put on an appearance of niceness on our face. I have seen abuse in many forms and I have read books on abuse and I think that it’s the most horrible thing you can do to the human body.

If someone is abusing you then you need to get help. There are resources on line that are willing to help people that have been abused. Stop the abuse before it goes to far.

My story goes like this; I never came from an abusive household. I have not been sexually, physically abused as a child. I have no tendency to hit a person at any time for no reason at all. Several counselors and professional have elevated me and I do not have characteristics of being an abusive person or personality.

I do have codependent tendencies, which is the main problem why I got into an abusive relationship. Abuse in a marriage happens both ways. A person that is abusing the other get abused back because that person that receives the abuse sees it as a way to stop the abuse from that person. It never stops by doing the same thing back; you don’t solve abuse by abuse.

When I left Mary I new that was the only way I can escape from the abuse. Mary had abused me several times while we were married. I admit that I hit her back at times to get her to understand what she was doing to me and it did not work because abuse never stop by me hitting her back. I did not want to hit her but if a person hits you rapidly several times even after you told them to stop you tend to wonder if your words of no hitting or Stop has any lasting effect with the person you are talking to.

Last year Mary made some big mistakes. One mistake is that she abused me at my work location. I work for customer service at Verizon Wireless and she was so angry with me for telling her that if she does not stop smoking then I would have to divorce her because I have sinus problems and cigarette smell effects me. I cannot live with a smoker in my life and at the time I married Mary she was not a smoker and she new that I did not agree with cigarettes. For example if someone knows you are allergic to cats would you buy them a cat? You would not unless you want to hurt that person. Mary knew that I had an issue with smoking, so she began to smoke to hurt me. This is abusive. Willfully doing something to hurt the other person. So Mary was angry with me so she stole my car from work and drove it to a far off place and proceeds to smoke in my car and distribute the cigarette butts all over my dashboard. That same night she proceeds to hit me rapidly on the legs when I got home.

This brings me to the point of abandonment. Now I want you to understand this women have physically abused me and she never at any point in her life ever admitted that she ever abused me even when I had a police report and went to court and filed a restraining order. Not once she admitted that anything was wrong with her abuse. So in my mind if she abused me it was like it didn’t happen in her mind and I can be abused and she would never admit it. So when I left her on June 2007 it was a time when I new she was going to abuse me. I already warned her that I was going to leave if she does not stop the abuse so here I am now leaving her years later. I admit it probably was not the smartest thing to do but I did it because nothing else I was doing was working. I took her to counseling and that did not work. I try to show her love and affection. That did not work. So this was the only thing that worked. Leaving gave me freedom from abuse and I would advise people to not stay in an abusive situation. Get help or leave because a person that stays with an abuser will not solve the issue by staying. Staying in the house with an abuser gives them the right to say that abuse is ok.

My job because of the police report and the abuse that she did on the work grounds they decide to move me from Washington to California where I am living now. I have been abuse free ever since I moved. Make the Choice like I did get out of the abuse it would make your life much happier.